Year one

Oh my. I have been a bad mom. Not so good at keeping o up on my blog.

Beck. You just passed one year. Oh my it actually hurts my heart. I love you sooo much. I have enjoyed you so very very much. You make me laugh. You are so silly. You love your grandma. You love to whack things and hit your head on everything like a hammer head. You LOVE LOVE LOVE hair. Love it. Love to pull it, wrap your fingers in it. You drool a ton, have 8 teeth and one poking through. You walked at 10.5 months, got your first pair of shoes on Tuesday, love to slide and startle so easy. Loud noises scare you and you hate the vacuum and clothes washer. You give the best hugs every, arms around our necks, face squished into ours. Your cheeks are soft and you occasionally bite. Little bugger. You weaned yourself at 9 months and I hated it. I hated it. The fact that you won't nurse. You get excited and breath heavy. You fling your food off you high chair try to the dog. You love to slid, head first and will go over and over, launching yourself forward and down. You are not so patient. Your words are mom mom mom mom and dadadadaada, Uh oh were your first real repeatable words. Gosh they are cute. Your thighs are so fat I can't get my hands all the way around them. You love yogurt, sweet potatoes and rice and avocados. You're getting sneaky and know when your not supposed to do something. You turn around and look before you act. Silly boy, way to give yourself away. You like to cuddle in the mornings and nap in bed with me. You have cute and functional fingers. It is amazing.

Katie. You are so funny. Watching bridge to teribithia and they are in church. You ask Anna, who died. Anna said no one. You wanted to what they were doing, Anna said they were at church. You said, what is church and Anna said a place to go where they sing songs and praise the lord. I nearly died laughing. Perhaps we need to work on your religious education.

Kia. I have these stupid fake nails so we can go do things together. I must admit it has been fun hanging out with you and having lunch. I love you.

Anna. Oh my it's been a turbulent year. Your nearly a teenager and your getting a bit testy and occasionally grumpy. Then sweet and childish. I suppose this is when the change happens. Your even getting armpit hair. Gross. But your still wonderfully sweet. And so funny. I loved your church explanation. I love you.

What?

At the mall there were these photo's of kids, foster kids and it made my hear break. What really got me was this one photo of 4 kids sitting on some steps. I though this is a whole family of parentless kids. I dunno, maybe it's because you all are four.

It made me wonder could we do four more? Could we have that insanely large family and let you all benefit from the love and chaos? Or would that be unfair? I just want you all to know how loved you are. How important you are. How I love you all so much that it makes me want to love even more. That is what, you my dears, inspire in me. I appreciate you all.

Send out an olive branch whenever you can, even if it comes back burned, over and over again.

Beck. You are just cute, soft and cuddly. Strong willed expressive and ADORABLE. You get cold easily and I worry that you will freeze!

Is it fall already?

School Days

Kaite. Oh my if only I could bottle your enthusiasm. Crazy for school!! You crack me up. The other day you brought me my phone, the alarm was going off and you told me that my wake up was calling. You also told dad when he picked you up in your sleep that you didn't know who had you, who are you? So thoughtful and patient with the would be kidnapper.

Summer

Holy crap how time flies. It is almost the end of summer and I feel like it was just that crazy weather storm with knee deep snow.
Beck you are 5 months old have one tooth in and another on the way. Your first tooth erupted at camp where you were adorable. You love to grab and drool and can roll over both ways. If I lie you on the floor you scootch around to get to what you want. When we went to camp were home one day then off to Baker City, hot hot. Well when we got home you weren't quite sure who your dad was and cried your head off. It was so sad to see your little face scrunch up and tears roll down your cheeks. You like me. Thank goodness. How funny it is to me that you have stranger danger. You as of recent have become a lousy sleeper! We need to get you into your crib soon. You only sleep when your right next to me with a boobie in your mouth. Silly boy. I think your so cute. You love the bath and kick and splash and makes a mess! Your smile melts my heart and you love katie sooo much. You crack up in the biggest way when they say hoofta. You love to be thrown around and tickled. We moved you into your big boy car seat and you like it better than the other, but you still hate it. Alot and cry a ton whenever your in it. I think you are so cute. I really really really love you.

Anna. I could write forever. We went to camp and had the best time. You as always so easy and kind and sweet. Your counselors name was bubbles and you had a great time at camp. I love Magruder and so did you . I hope I can keep going year after year with you. Then we came home and got packed for BAKER CITY baby. Gosh what a long drive. Your team got to go play in the state championships down there. The hotel was so gross! But alas we had an awesome time. Your first game was a bit rough for your team. You could feel the tension. And Priscilla's dad is so annoying and rude it's unbelievable. So you all lost but that was ok and we still love you and I am so very very proud of you for even making it. The second game went better, but alas no win. The third however you all ROCKED and kicked ass. I mean really kicked ass. Sadly you all got eliminated. We had a good time with your team eating dinner and ice cream and playing games. I wish we had more time to play. And now your off at Orca camp. I hope your having an awesome time. I miss you when your gone. I worry about you too. Alot. You are growing up so fast. You are an awesome kid. I know we tell you this all the time but I really mean it. I was so angry at the way Priscilla's dad behaved because it hurts so much to hear someone be so horrible to their own children. If I ever do that please tell me.

Katie. I love you. You have been so much fun. I loved camp. I really wanted to not go to camp without dad as we were going to have to work our ass off but I really didn't want to disappoint you. You had so much fun. Strawberry and Teddy Bear were both there and you really love them. We rode donkeys and you got to hang out with tootsie roll, whom you adore. She is pretty awesome. You also had a great time at Baker City. You said the greasy spoon restaurant next door had the best pancakes in the world. How funny. Then you wanted dad very much. Very much. You two are thick as thieves. You really really love him and him you. Right now your on the couch with a belly ache and I feel sad for you. You haven't eaten in two days, you've been throwing up and sleeping. I know your sick when you don't even want to go for a bike ride. I sure hope your better by tomorrow. You said the funniest things, one you got a blister from winding those point and shoot camera's, and it's healed. You exclaimed, look I got a whole new finger now. So cute. You say the funniest things sometimes. Plus your pretty hard core with the camera thing. A blister from a point and shoot. I told you we'd go get you a new outfit for school and you are so happy. You love clothes that's for sure.

Kia. I have had such a great time the past two weeks with you. You were great at camp, minus one episode and then you were awesome in Baker City. Such an awesome helper. You did act like an idiot once when you stormed off and had to be picked up, but alas I will not hold it against you. It has just been very nice being around you. You have so much potential. I hate your douche bag boyfriend. You can do so much better. Better. You are better. I'm looking forward to you going back to school. It's exciting you see you grow.

Anna. My sweet darling 10 year old. I love you. So sweet the other night you came to cuddle in my lap and we got to talk. Just me and you. I love how pragmatic you are. Talking about college in England, being a biologist and that you don't want to get married and have kids as you plan to be away at work alot and you don't think it's fair to your kids. I reminded you to marry well, but all I really want is for you to be happy. Kids, no kids you choose. I think you are an awesome kid and am looking forward to watching you grow. Beck loves you so much and you are great with him. Your super proud to be on the all stars team and as always have been a trooper about practices. Your getting better!



Katie. Oh my girl. Such energy. Right now your missing your dad so much. I know how you enjoyed that alone time on the bus, during lunch when he'd steal you and take you to pizza. You are so excited for some one on one time this week. Your dad loves and misses you so much too. I think I didn't realize how much we used to spend just us, then we had beck and yes that changed. It doesn't change how much we love you. We really really love you.

agony and other things un-natural.

I have been so sad this past week. As the day for me to return to work loomed closer and closer I just wanted to sit at home with you all and stop time. Odd how I have discovered the only job I was meant to do was be your mom. I am so heart broken and sad about having to leave you all. It actually hurt. I did not want to do it. I am at work now and doing ok, except for the fact I am thinking of you every minuet. I cried the whole way to work. It's not that you all aren't in capable hands it's that I want you in my hands. I want to be the hands to take care of you. I thought that I would throw myself from a bridge to avoid work, but that doesn't really serve my purpose. Or get rear ended but that wouldn't work either. So I shall go, under duress and work as hard as I can to go to part time so I may spend more time with you all.

Beck. You have already changed so very much. No more horsey baby noises. Your hands are bigger and your heavy in my arms. I love your smell and soft skin. The way your hair feels on my chin. Your sleeping little head. I actually thought I would bring a diaper to work with me just so I can smell you. I am missing you so very very much. Grandma Mickey will watch you and love you. She thinks your awesome. It will be such a wonderful time for you two.

Anna. So big and so unconcerned with my returning to work. Telling me I will be ok. I worry that you and your sis will fight and drive grandma nuts. Please don't do this. You can be such an instigator and pretend innocent. Stinker. I see it. I still love you.

Katie. So much enthusiasm but for some reason lately nothing comes out of your mouth that is not preceeded by a wail. Oh my. I know it will pass. Be more gentle with your hands and please don't fight with your sis. Oh please be good for your grandma. I love how you hugged me through the phone. And how sweet you are. You make me smile. I love you.

Kia. You've been coming over to help and it's nice to spend time with you. We just worked through your root canal and that went well. Have kind words and patience kiddo.

First

Beck. My sweet sweet boy. Poor kido you got your first cold that turned into pneumonia and had to have antibiotics. OOps, poor baby. I haven't slept well worrying about your coughing fits. You are so cute. It's been a big week, first trip to the beach, you screamed the whole hour and a half home. It sucked. I was so strung out and unhappy by the time we go home. My poor little guy. You also went to the zoo for the first time. Pretty unimpressed, you were. Grabbing and mouthing everything. Smiling all the time. You love to play with Juge. She loves the crap out of you. We all do.

Anna. You made all stars, graduated from the 4th grade and got your gold patch after some very impressive physical feats. Treading water for two minuets with your arms above your head and swam a lap with a ten pound brick. Pretty kick ass how strong you are. Both your mind and body. You are so awesome.

Katie. I decided that you need to have your own place on the periodic table. You are raw energy. So cute and sweet. Some day you will no longer sleep on our floor. Your last summer before you start your life as a student. You and your sis have been pestering the crap out of me to read to you and go to the library. Fun. You have been pretend reading to me. I like it. Alot.

Kia. Out for the summer and talking about graduation. It makes my heart soar. I love you and have has so much fun hanging out with you. You are a good big sister.

My 18 weeks have passed and in one week it will be time for me t return to work. I am so sad. I have loved staying home with you all so very much. I am waiting until I can drop down to two days a week. I love being your mom. Each and every one of you have this light and fire that makes me smile. I love you just the way you are. Drooly, bouncy, preteen, silly. The best a mom could ever ask for.