I have been so sad this past week. As the day for me to return to work loomed closer and closer I just wanted to sit at home with you all and stop time. Odd how I have discovered the only job I was meant to do was be your mom. I am so heart broken and sad about having to leave you all. It actually hurt. I did not want to do it. I am at work now and doing ok, except for the fact I am thinking of you every minuet. I cried the whole way to work. It's not that you all aren't in capable hands it's that I want you in my hands. I want to be the hands to take care of you. I thought that I would throw myself from a bridge to avoid work, but that doesn't really serve my purpose. Or get rear ended but that wouldn't work either. So I shall go, under duress and work as hard as I can to go to part time so I may spend more time with you all.
Beck. You have already changed so very much. No more horsey baby noises. Your hands are bigger and your heavy in my arms. I love your smell and soft skin. The way your hair feels on my chin. Your sleeping little head. I actually thought I would bring a diaper to work with me just so I can smell you. I am missing you so very very much. Grandma Mickey will watch you and love you. She thinks your awesome. It will be such a wonderful time for you two.
Anna. So big and so unconcerned with my returning to work. Telling me I will be ok. I worry that you and your sis will fight and drive grandma nuts. Please don't do this. You can be such an instigator and pretend innocent. Stinker. I see it. I still love you.
Katie. So much enthusiasm but for some reason lately nothing comes out of your mouth that is not preceeded by a wail. Oh my. I know it will pass. Be more gentle with your hands and please don't fight with your sis. Oh please be good for your grandma. I love how you hugged me through the phone. And how sweet you are. You make me smile. I love you.
Kia. You've been coming over to help and it's nice to spend time with you. We just worked through your root canal and that went well. Have kind words and patience kiddo.
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