I will write about you all and later you will get to read it. I hope it is enough. I have taken thousands of photos of all of you so I will start to save you some words as well.
Right now you are 17,10, 5, and 10 weeks. I suspect you all know your birth order. I love each and everyone of you with all my heart. You all have different strengths that make you who you are and it is amazing to me.
More than anything I want you all to know that you are loved. Simple. I LOVE YOU. I love you all when you make mistakes. I love you when you rock the boat. I love you when you are awesome. I love you when you are asleep. I will love you forever. My biggest fear that brings tears to my eyes is to lose you. I want so much to die before you. Not so soon that I don't get to see you grow and have lives and give me grandchildren, but please don't leave before me.
Beck. My little man. I am so over the moon for you. In the past 47 weeks, 10 of which you've been out of me I have fallen so in love with you. You smile now, lots. You poop a ton. I tell you that you are a super pooper and are pooptastic. Sometimes it shoots to your shoulder blades and around your sides. You are chubby and soft and have the best pinching thighs ever. You look like a lizard when you lie on you belly as it pooches out! Katie often asks why you have to be sooo cute, states that she can't stand it and wants to just eat you up. I know how she feels. We are NUTSO for you. The best addition to our family. You sleep through the night and I always say knock on wood in my head when I think it or tell anyone. I am amazed and say thank you for that. I am sick at the thought of going back to work and being away from you for so long. But we will not dwell on that.
Katie. You are like fire, Like the sun. A direct descendant of a Tasmanian devil. You make me smile and want to pull my hair out at the same time. Tonight was the night I cut the top off your binkey. I am sure you will remember it forever. Sorry. I was desperate to make you listen. You are not listening very well at all and it is making me nuts. It's been a bit of a transition. You love your brother so much. It is a beautiful thing to see. You want to hug him and kiss him and play with him and he's just not ready yet. But soon. We are trying so hard to keep him safe and you in love. It's a balance. you creep into our bed every night, afraid to sleep alone. We've made you a floor bed and I am sure you'll outgrow it someday. I like having you so close and you warm up my side of the bed for me and that is a nice perk. You are tall and strong and so passionate and loving. I think your awesome. I worry that you won't have any skin left on your knees by the time your 10 as you hurt yourself a ton! You love to drive your jeep to the park and you did that today. You did pretty well listening except you ran over my feet, twice and had to walk the last little bit home. But I always amazed at how well you maneuver that thing, especially in reverse. You rock the driving. I am trying to be more positive with you so I am not always saying in a frustrated voice, KATHRYN. It's a work in progress. Please be patient with me as I am adjusting too. Tomorrow will be better. Wiltramette lake and cotton cheese. You love to have lunch with your daddy at the pizza place and love snicker doodles from paradise bakery. You have Friday treats and love peanut butter fingers. You don't eat meat except for bagel bites and clam chowder and LOVE your grandma's broccoli. Your hair is a constant battle and you still love binkies. You've mastered the pathetic face and I admit it works. You LOVE shoes and I think you are going to be a clothes and shoe horse. I bet you do something that results in thousands of people adoring you. You will do well with a fan base. I will always be #1. I love your fire and spunk. You are over the moon for your brother and I hope you always feel that way.
Julianna. You are so great. I wonder how you ended up being so good natured and chill. You won your first softball game last night and were over the moon. We celebrated with coldstone. I love your smile and think your gorgeous. You are so smart and have always wanted to be a sea vegetarian, veterinarian but hey it's fun to remember your silly words. You are doing both soccer and softball and we're at games or practices for 2 hours a day at least 6 days a week and momma is sitting in the car or walking the field. It's been hard with beck and Katie, but your worth it. You are also an amazing swimmer, taking a break this season. Thank goodness as there is no more time in our schedule. Your in the fourth grade and your doing awesome. I am not surprised. I think you'll always do well in school. I hope your desire to go to college stays strong like it is now. Your best friend is Marrissa and you two spend a TON of time together. We like her and I love how long you two have been friends, since the first grade. Overalls you called alveralls. Too cute. I have always been thankful for having you. Your eyes have yellow in them and they look like suns that burn bright. I like to kiss you on your nose as it just fits there. There is something so fun at finding where on you I fit and that has always been our spot. Dad is crazy for you too. I am starting to see twinges of teenager in you and I must admit I feel some fear as before long I think you will hate us just a little and I am sad that it happened so fast. I hope we can weather it. I just want you to know that we love you no matter what, always. You fell asleep playing ds tonight and were drooling.
Kia. My first baby. I love you more than all the stars. Right now it is a struggle, but at 17 I guess it is supposed to be. I am so proud of you going back to school. I know you can do it. I can't wait to see how you turn out. It's sad that we fight because I just want your life to be easy and safe and you just want to live it and have your independence. So we will find a balance. I think for whatever the reason and fault that you just don't know that I LOVE you. That no matter what you are good enough just the way you are. I fell such sadness that you can't feel that from me yet, but that is what I am working to fix. The fact that you are a snotty teenager doesn't make it any easier but it will be done. You are so silly and make me laugh! You used to be able to barf on demand and slept with me until you were almost 5. I love feeling you close to me. You made me a better person and mother. All your life you have challenged me to be better. I thank you for that. I hope I will do the same for you. You are loving and compassionate. You also make me crazy and have had anxiety from the very beginning. Like a very young age, like 2. I suppose that is just a part of your personality.
So this is the start. Beck you over there in your bassinet thinking about fussing so it may be the end for now and Katie you are in your dad's spot while he plays video games. I love you all and goodnight.
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